Please note this blog post contains sensitive information looking at miscarriages and some terminology used to describe a fetal demise and stillbirth.please press your back button now if it is likely to cause you any upset.
A worring time for mums-to-be when they are first pregnant is the first 3 months. Its not just a old wives tale not to tell any one about a pregnancy until after this date for fear of bad luck its because most miscarriages happen before 12 weeks gestation.
Can miscarriages happen after this date?
On rare occassions yes, even at 19 weeks into a pregnancy.A fetal demise is as the loss of a fetus.Usually the term used to describe a baby loss under 20 weeks into a pregnancy is known as a spontaneous abortion.After 20 weeks its known in some areas as a fetal demise or stillborn.
A fetal demise can be detected with a hospital scan.Nothing can prepare a mum for the news to be told that a baby has been lost in the womb.Here are some feelings to be aware of when you are trying to come to terms with such devastating news.
Denial : Coming to terms that the baby inside the womb will no longer be.Baby will no longer kick inside your tummy.Its important to find out as much information as possible,you may want a second opinion as the news may be just too unbelieveable .
Anger: There is never going to be an easy way of telling you that you have lost your baby,you may be angry with the way your were told, angry at yourself as could you have done something to prevent it or be angry at the nearest person as you avert your anger onto them such as your partner.
Bargaining with God: why didnt I die so my baby could live?. why did it happen to me ? thoughts.
Depression: feeling you are lost without your baby,Do not want to carry on because baby has gone.Sad,withdrawing yourself from family and friends as they don’t understand.Feeling like you cannot bear to face another day. reliving the experience over and over again.Its good to mourn the loss of your baby, do not shut out your partner they will grieve too.You can come to terms better by giving your baby as many good memories as possible.Talking about baby not shutting your self away will make it easier when your are ready to talk to someone you mustn’t bottle up your feelings.
Acceptance:Be involved with the final resting plans for your baby no matter how small, life is life. Its your baby even if you only managed to carry it in your tummy for a short time before it passed away.
After speaking to many parents who found it hard to go and see baby one last time before a funeral, they realized there will never be another chance and so even if baby is covered from eye view with a blanket.One slight touch helps in coming to terms that baby has now passed away and gives you a time to say goodbye gently.
Plus when they did look back it helped them in time to move on into the future and not to live continually in the past.