prior to the 1970’s in the UK parents were told to move on and get over it when a family delivered a stillborn baby or suffered an early baby loss.It was and still is such a taboo subject that no one wants to talk about.
Parents can be so traumatised in their experience in how everyone fron nurses,family members and friends treated them immediately after their baby loss.It can still haunt them emotionally and find it hard to cope with their grief even after 30 years down the line.
- do not say oh its ok you’ll soon have another one.
- do not say well its for the best
- do not say oh well at least it wasn’t a real baby was it.
- do not say You’ll be ok you have lots of more.
- do not say when are you planning to have your next one.
- do not say You need to go back to work to get over it.
- do not say forget about it and move on.
- do not say never mind it was never ment to be was it.
- do not say Put it to the back of your mind and start afresh.
- do not say don’t talk about it in case it makes you feel worse, (talking crying, expressing emotion is the body’s way of coping with grief).
- do not say don’t cry,don’t let no one know whats happened or keep your chin up for the sake of the rest of the family or neighbours. (this remark is like saying baby didn’t exist.
Actions you shouldn’t do to a family that has just lost a baby
- ignoring the family makes it worse for them
- Avoid them by crossing over the road
- Staying away from their home
- Avoiding the converstaion when mums especially want to speak you you about their baby
- Not attending the funeral when asked to by the family unless you really cannot make it,or just because it makes you feel uncomfortable.